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I haven’t been feeling quite myself for a while now, I feel as if I am falling through the cracks. I know what triggered this feeling of unease and anxiety I am just not quite sure how to stop it.

As the  cracks widen and become more and more like canyons I am running out of glue and sting to hold it all together. It’s not just that my surroundings are crumbling making way for a downward fall, it’s myself that is cracking, crumbling into pieces like  a gingerbread woman.

But then maybe stopping it isn’t the issue, maybe it’s about letting those cracks break open and let yourself fall apart, hoping you can reassemble yourself as best you can. Of course you don’t want to end up looking like a cubist painting by Picasso, your nose on your cheek and your ears and eyes anywhere but where they should be but maybe by letting yourself break you can change who you are and leave out the bad parts when you put the jigsaw of your life back together.

So maybe falling  apart or in between the cracks can be a start for something new, to find out something about yourself you didn’t know or discover a new way of looking at the world and your place in it. Possibly it can test your strength and make you confront your fears and desires, find out if what you thought was right really is.

Sadly at the moment all I can hope for is not to take to much of a wrong step and end up falling through the cracks to a place I can’t come back from, or breaking into so many pieces that I can’t put myself back together again.

I think for now I will go out and buy some superglue and string and hope the knot holds till I’m ready to fall.

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