Tags
cracks, cubist painting, downward fall, falling, falling through the cracks, gingerbread woman, mental-health, miscellaneous, people, psychology, random, thoughts
I haven’t been feeling quite myself for a while now, I feel as if I am falling through the cracks. I know what triggered this feeling of unease and anxiety I am just not quite sure how to stop it.
As the cracks widen and become more and more like canyons I am running out of glue and sting to hold it all together. It’s not just that my surroundings are crumbling making way for a downward fall, it’s myself that is cracking, crumbling into pieces like a gingerbread woman.
But then maybe stopping it isn’t the issue, maybe it’s about letting those cracks break open and let yourself fall apart, hoping you can reassemble yourself as best you can. Of course you don’t want to end up looking like a cubist painting by Picasso, your nose on your cheek and your ears and eyes anywhere but where they should be but maybe by letting yourself break you can change who you are and leave out the bad parts when you put the jigsaw of your life back together.
So maybe falling apart or in between the cracks can be a start for something new, to find out something about yourself you didn’t know or discover a new way of looking at the world and your place in it. Possibly it can test your strength and make you confront your fears and desires, find out if what you thought was right really is.
Sadly at the moment all I can hope for is not to take to much of a wrong step and end up falling through the cracks to a place I can’t come back from, or breaking into so many pieces that I can’t put myself back together again.
I think for now I will go out and buy some superglue and string and hope the knot holds till I’m ready to fall.
jensinewall 
Hang in there you wise woman! I have this beautiful picture of a statue. It’s a woman with cracks and light shining through the cracks. I wish I could figure out how to send it to you!
ah thanks an I will just see it in my mind
Hugs lovely. Thinking of you xxx
Here’s to you putting yourself back together again. I think we all feel like this at times. It’s a process but it sounds as if you’re on the verge of something, so good thoughts to you and I hope you day goes beautifully!
I really like this and hope I can take some wisdom from it. I feel like I’m on the edge of my life falling apart quite a lot of the time at the moment. I feel like I don’t have the resources or the energy to find out what happens if I let go – it feels like a risk to survival. I suppose I can look back at the last 9 months or so, at how I’ve changed, since my husband left and my world collapsed, and think what a journey it has been.
If I was a bit less ill I’d hope to make more sense.
I hope you have good friends to help you keep safe.
Seems to me that there’s more going on within you than fear of not taking the right steps. Falling apart – hmmm.. you don’t strike me as being overly dramatic, Love.
Don’t hold hope in not taking the wrong step. Take every step as it is in front of you, sooner or later you’ll be in a good place.
As I may have said before, the only way to get out of this “funk” is to get outside of yourself. Go do some community service or help at an animal shelter, something like that. And do it more than once – make a plan to do it regularly for at least three weeks. There’s nothing like giving of yourself, to take you to a new and higher level of being.
I can guess what the trigger was, though, based on previous posts. I’m here, ready to listen..
I wish I had words of wisdom that would really make a difference but I don’t. Hang in there and take it a day at a time.
Cheer up, kid. The comments section of my blog is boring without you. Come over to my place, today I am preaching about God, Superglue and non-stick frying pans. 🙂
yeah … god is the essential non-sticky frying pan
I’m so sorry that you’re going through a rough spot, but I’m so happy that you’re able to articulate it so beautifully! I’m sure this will comfort a lot of people who are trying to hold everything together – I know it helped me!
And remember what Leonard Cohen says, “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”
what a beautiful quote … and thanks
Timing, if only there was a controlled decent into the cracks. I rarely “crack-up” at an appropriate time but as a massive control freak I can usually keep it together enough to stay out of too much trouble. Remember, perfect is really not.
Deep huh! 🙂
Laura
Deep breaths, slow exhales, strong grip.
will try and follow this
It’s almost uncanny how some of your posts echo my sentiments/current state of affairs sometimes 🙂 somehow I find that comforting. I’ve fallen thru the cracks – and somehow, landed on my feet. You will to, I know it.
ah thanks feeling much better today but still a little bit “undone”
I’ve been exactly where you are. I hear what you’re saying about how scary that place is, but I also know that the other part of what you say is true too– that it might open up to something good. Meantime, be nice to yourself.
ah you are sweet … am working on it 🙂
Oh Jensine, really sorry you’re feeling like this. I second what most of the other poster have said: lots of us have been there, although that doesn’t make it any easier when you’re going through it, so just keep writing, keep in touch and be good to yourself.
Feel better soon, lovely,
x
am starting to feel better, crawling out of the cracks if you will
Keep crawling! x
You need to just love yourself through this period. If you can think about maybe what’s causing you to feel like this…you can do something about it….Any possible changes to make??? Thoughts are with you…Diane
thanks am working on it 🙂