the point in disappointment

Tags

disappointment, failure, friends, mental-health, people, psychology, pulitzer prize winning novel, ramblings, thoughts, work, writing

Last week has been filled with disappointment for me. Things I thought were good to go fell through, people I thought about in a certain way changed in my eyes and even an important legal letter I sent was returned to me this morning, telling me to resend to different a address which will make the whole process even longer. As I shift through the dregs of everything that happened I can’t help but feel let down, rejected and stupid.

Of course I know that disappointment is a natural occurrence and actually very important for learning how to deal with difficult situations. If children don’t learn how to deal with failure it is much more likely they’ll be prone to give up and not try hard when adults. So is failure really such a bad thing?

In a world in which success seems to be the only thing worth talking about it is hard to see the point in being disappointed, in failing at something. But studies have shown that there is no correlation between success and happiness. People who strive all their lives to reach certain goals or work hard to earn a lot of money and climb the corporate ladder, often say in their twilight years that they regret no living in the moment as they were always looking towards their goals and the future.

Sometimes the reason why we are disappointed is that we have unattainable ideas of how something should be or our goals are beyond what we can achieve. This doesn’t mean dream small it only means that with big dreams we need to know it will take time and effort. So instead of being disappointed in not becoming an international movie-star over night, we can take joy in having the lead role in the community theater. Or our best-selling Pulitzer prize winning novel may take a while but our article in the local newspaper can be celebrated today.

Other times we are disappointed because although we seem to be working hard to solve a problem, to loss weight or make something happen we forget that in is not always about the amount of work we put in but about the quality of what we do. So without realising it we have been setting ourselves up for failure and won’t be able to achieve our goals. When disappointment kicks in, it can help to take a step back and readjust what we are doing, change our pattern and try again. This way failing isn’t something bad but a lesson learnt and the first step in the right direction.

Sadly disappointment can also occur for no other reason than life is not fair and bad things happen. This means that just because we want something doesn’t mean we are going to get it. But it does mean that as soon as we realise that we will fail at things or people will let us down, we can move on and put the disappointment on a shelf along with our other life-experience memorabilia.

So the point in disappointment is to learn, live now,  change and build up an impressive collection of experiences. There is no shame in feeling upset or being annoyed when you are disappointed, but the sooner you let it go the quicker you can enjoy yourself and what you have now.

With that said I am going to take a few minutes, drink my cup of tea and grumble but then start the week with a new hopefully can-do attitude.

Advertisements

original thought

Tags

antioxidants, ‘The Uninspired Chronicles’, blog, brain, children, creative, exercise, food, health, ideas, random, science, thoughts, writing

For the first time since I started this blog I have no idea what to write about. As I sit and stare at both the screen and the keyboard I can’t help but wonder where do ideas come from, what makes them and where can I get them?

There seems to be a misconception that there are creative and non-creative people in the world. The one group have this unexplained power to see the world from a slightly different angle and create things that weren’t there before, the others only standing by in awe.  But that is not true, everyone can be creative if they let themselves.

Although scientists have been trying to figure out how ideas are made inside our brain they haven’t really been able to figure out too much. They know that dopamine is a main contributor to the process and that certain areas of the brain tend to be more active than others, but they also know that being intelligent and being creative are not necessarily linked, so no excuses if you were bad in school.

The chemical dopamine is vital for people to actually get up and do things. Without this neurotransmitter we would all feel hungry, but not do anything about it and possibly starve to death.  But Dopamine has been proven to also play a vital role when it comes to learning and remembering things, moving our body and naughty thoughts. This is possibly the reason why opiates (high levels of dopamine) are so highly addictive, not only do they make us feel fantastic but we seem to be able to do things better, faster and have wonderfully creative ideas.

A healthier way to help the flow of dopamine in your brain is listening to music. Not only does our favourite song make us emotional, kick start our memories or inspire us to jump around the living room as if we were a possessed prima ballerina but it also increases the levels of dopamine produced, encouraging our bodies and minds to do and feel things.

Of course there are foods that can help us along too. Sunflower seeds, whole grain and foods high in antioxidants like berries, tomatoes, broccoli and garlic (maybe not all at the same time) are perfect but ripe bananas seem to be the best. Caffeine can give us a quick push but it doesn’t last long. And again (and I hate having to type this as lazy as I am) exercise seems to help too.

When all of that fails, and you still have no ideas, there is the simple trick of bringing your seven-year-old-self out to play. All children are incredibly creative and like anything else creativity needs practice. What we did so instinctively as kids we forget as adults. We stop picking up sticks and turning them into wands and swords, we don’t linger and watch as a spider spins her web or stand in awe as a butterfly opens up her wings and flies away. As adults a box is a box, not a time-machine or a typewriter or a hat, for a child a box is something of endless possibilities. And don’t be afraid to try something and fail, if it doesn’t work try again, maybe a little different and who knows what you will discover. After all children constantly fail at things but they change the rules and discover new possibilities, never lost for ideas and full of surprises.

So now I have to put on a CD,  eat a banana, do a few jumping jacks and turn my cereal box into shoes so that I can come up with ideas of how to fill my day.

To read more on how others try and inspire themselves check out  ‘The Uninspired Chronicles’

Music makes us happy

It takes a long time to become young

Lives of the brain

 

time-less

Tags

health, miscellaneous, musings, random, stress, thoughts, time

Time is money people say but I think time is worth a lot more than just a few colourful notes that fit neatly into your purse or you store away in your piggy-bank. Today I just want to hit pause and store up time as I have too much to do and very few hours to do it in.

Sadly life didn’t come with a remote control and no matter how hard I look I just can’t seems to find the manual on/off button either. So as I type this, one eye on the tiny clock in the corner of my screen, I can’t help but think about all the things I would rather be doing this weekend than spend time stuck behind my desk working.

In a world where you can’t have lunch without people making business deals on their mobile phones and laptops seem to have invaded our homes and leisure times, even food is fast and blouses non-wrinkle it doesn’t surprise me that we all live with stress as a constant companion.  His heavy breath on our necks as we jog from one appointment to the next, his impatient foot-tapping ringing in our ears when we stop for an unscheduled ice-cream, the big frown on his face constantly reminding us of time running out and the way he pulls and pushed us to get things done. Stress even slips into bed with us sometimes, reducing our hours of rest by tossing and turning and setting the alarm early. The funny thing is, we sometimes even help create our own stress, and I am always guilty of that.

I spent the week pushing somethings I have to get done around my desk, never quite making eye-contact and always focusing on more enjoyable tasks.  Sadly the time has arrived where I can push no more and stress is no longer a kind little man but a big angry giant. As the minutes tick by I have less and less time to do what is needed but my my mind is still putting up a fight sending me images and ideas of much nicer pastimes.

So with a big sigh I acknowledge I no longer have the luxury of leisure and can only dream of a day, sometime next week, where time is mine again and I can do as I please, even if it is just watching the hands on the clock move as Stress stomps around with nothing to do.

Stress: it’s worse than you think

i am-bidextrous

Tags

awards, blogs, friends, love, miscellaneous, opinion, random, thought, writing

The lovely Tanvi awarded me the other day and I am only getting around to sharing it now. I am thrilled as I have only been blogging six weeks, 3000+clicks, 77 followers, 42 posts and three awards later I am hooked. I have no idea how I will survive next week when I am off invading Germany and the internet will be but a memory. Happily the stint will only be for ten days so I can save up all my weird, wonderful and wacky thoughts for when I get back. So being versatile or ambidextrous if you will, is what I aim to be!

Anyway the rule is, post the award, nominate 10-15 fellow bloggers and tell your readers seven facts about yourself!

So here are my seven facts:

 

1) I love shoes, have a shoe tattoo and love trying them on when I feel low … even if my purse can’t afford my longing.

 

2) I drink way too much tea, or possibly just the right amount in my eyes. Have a huge ug on constant standby and never run out of teabags.

 

3) I enjoy dancing and singing along to ABBA when I cook and bake … “The name of the game” is my favourite.

 

4) I was born in South Africa, grew up in Ireland, moved to Germany and studied there, moved back to Ireland eight years ago and love it here in Dublin.

 

5) I love liquorice, especially the salty kind. I keep a tin of it in the kitchen and eat a little nearly every day.

 

6) I will pick savoury over sweet every time and have a real thing for cheese … the smellier the better

 

7) Have wanted to write since I was four years old, still unpublished the dream lives on

 

And my nominees are:

morezennow I just love her posts and enjoy reading her thoughts

erikchristian I enjoy reading his tales and they are so beautifully written

postitscribbles is always entertaining and very divers

girlinthehat I love her, her honesty and fearlessness

LilandJill I’ want to move in with these girls (and yes I know they’ve had it before but so what)

Snottingblack I have so much fun reading her take on the world and I always have to smile

400daystill40 following her on her journey is truly inspiring

simplysolo as a single bilingual I enjoy connecting with what she writes

Sally and her delightful treats always make my mouth water

IslandGirl is a real breath of fresh air and looks so cute in that hat

Suzy with her pinkness and creativity are just adorable

goodoldgirl is very entertaining

astimegoesby always inspiring outfits and posts

bloggerintraining bluntly honest and a good read

stylishbabe makes me wish I had long hair

There you go, 15 lovely blogs I read and love so check them out and don’t forget to like and comment on them all. We bloggers need and enjoy the attention! 🙂

Teutonic tongues

Tags

English, friends, German, Germany, Ireland, Languages, love, memories, random, thoughts, travel

This morning a friend posted something on facebook that made me laugh. It simply said:

“Tell someone you love them today, because life is short, but SHOUT it at them in German as it is also terrifying. Ich Liebe Dich”

Even as I type these words I cannot help but smile, maybe I find it so funny because I am half Irish, half German or maybe because it is so true.

Growing up in Dublin with a German mum was a novelty back when I was blond haired pigtailed little girl. In the late seventies, early eighties recession was rife and there were very few jobs and even fewer foreigners in Ireland. This made my family a little bit unique, not only were we protestants and wore yellow wellies instead of the common black ones, but my German mum would also make strange food and enforce slightly different rules.

Of course she spoke with an accent but the most obvious thing she would do, that would not only stop my sister and me mid-play but all our friends as well, was give out to us in German. I think she did it to ensure that the other kids wouldn’t know what she was giving out about, in a weird way protecting us and herself from unwanted ears. Maybe she also did it because when her emotions were high her mother-tongue was easier, quicker to access. But even when she would just talk to us in German the neighborhood kids would always think she was in a bad mood or was giving out, the German intonation and melody harsher to their ears than English.

After we had moved to Germany and my oldest Irish friend came to visit with her family I remember one insistence that made us giggle back then and still brings a smile to my face. We lived in a small village up in the north of Germany, very rural, quite remote. One day as my friend and I were walking down the very long Lange Strasse on a mission to buy German goodies a neighbour came towards us on his old, rusting Holland bike. He was one of the farmers who lived across the road, in his late fifties, quite gruff and slightly deaf. As he passed us by he shouted something at us, my friend literally jumped and her face mirrored the fear she felt in that moment. I remember how she turned to me saying “I didn’t do anything”, looking very confused and flustered and it took me a minute, between all the laughter, to explain to her that all he had said was “Guten Tag” which means “Good Day”. Feeling very silly the two of us giggled all the way to shop re-playing what had happened over and over again, making it funnier every time.

Being bilingual I slip in and out of English and German and to me both languages have their different purposes and feelings and I enjoy the fact that they also have their strengths and weaknesses. And as for the quote I read this morning I think I’ll give it a go and scare random people on the street by talking in German to them, and maybe I’ll even find someone to say “Ich Liebe Dich” to.

rain, rain go away?

Tags

feelings, health, miscellaneous, psychology, rain, random, sad, sun, thoughts, weather

It rained all day yesterday and it isn’t looking much better today. As the oodles of poodles and buckets of bobcats  descended from the heavy dark clouds that covered the sky I realised that watching the rivers of water run down my windowpane was making me a little sad.

I am actually quite found of rain, I love the sound it makes on the roof and jumping in and out of puddles, in the right footwear, is so much fun. I love the smell of grass just after rain and you don’t get rainbows without it. There is something cosy about sitting in with a hot cup of tea and watching big drops of water splash on the windowsill and I also love the sensation of summer rain on my skin and hair and running barefoot over waterlogged grass.  But for some reason the endless downpour yesterday watered down my enjoyment and turned it blue.

There are a lot of arguments for and against how weather can affect our mood and bring out the best and the worst in us, but it seems to be more complicated than rain=sad and sun=happy. Although it is true that sunlight helps the body release endorphins, those happy little hormones that make us feel good, a new study has shown that the affect that weather has on people depends on the individual.

SAD (seasonal affective disorder) is commonly known to take hold of people in autumn and dissipate in spring but in one of ten there seems to be a reverse affect, as the sun climes higher in the sky and the weather becomes warmer their spirits sink and their mood turns cold. Some people even seem to be only affected when it rains.

And then there is the good old fashions allergy season that makes our hooters toot and eyes run. Interestingly another study shows that the affect allergies have on the body are similar to those experienced when depressed.  Not only does our nose tickle and our eyes itch when those pesky pollens come a knocking but our immune-system goes into overdrive trying to battle the annoyance. While doing so it releases little protein molecules called Cytokines. These little busy bodies are messengers that alert the cells and cause inflammation. Too much inflammation makes us fall into something called ‘sickness behaviour’, we feel constantly tired, we don’t want to eat, having sex is out of the question and we really only want to be left alone. All typical depressive behaviours.

But none of this explained the reason why I my heart was heavy and my mood was changing it’s shade yesterday. I have no explanation other than maybe the drops of water reminded me of tears. As the rainclouds are still hanging around today I think I will let the rain remind me of a trip I took on the winding river Nile or dancing in the back-garden with my first love in a thunderstorm or maybe I’ll try and find the time to take a walk in it and enjoy the rain for itself.

When spring brings us down

Come rain or shine

defying gravity

Tags

big bang, gravity, levity, miscellaneous, physical, pyhsics, random, thoughts, weight, Wicked

I was stunned into awareness by a big bang this morning, well it may have been more of a metallic clatter. As I lay in bed, still unwilling to move, I ran through the different possibilities in my head of what the sound had been and where it had come from. I ruled out home-invasion, animals (except a few of those pesky ants) and burglary, which only left that something, somewhere in the house had been unable to defy gravity any longer and had fallen or jumped of its perch.

A little like Newton and the apple landing on his head, something falling down made me think about the different forces there are in the world, gravity being one of the big four. Without it the earth wouldn’t orbit around the sun, the moon couldn’t circle around the earth and we would all find it very hard to keep our feet on the ground.

Gravity is also the reason for fad diets and weight issues, without it we would all just float around, weightless, unaware of kilos, pounds and stones. We also use gravity to describe something really important, weighty or serious and words spoken with gravity mean they are solemn and dignified. The opposite of gravity is levity, which means frivolous, silly and changeable, in physics a theoretical force inherent to an object.

With these metaphysical thoughts floating around in my mind, no gravity there, I wandered around my home seeking the fallen object. To my surprise on the kitchen floor lay a lighthearted metal sign telling me I was queen, that had succumb to its own weight and the pull of gravity.

As I lifted up the sign and with the help of a pin defied gravity again, I decided that no matter how big the force, gravity is something I am quite happy to do without. Maybe this is not possible in a physical sense but in a philosophical one it is. This doesn’t mean I have to run around town dressed like a clown, but it will mean that I can try and make a conscious decision to not to take things to seriously and see the silliness in life, simply picking levity over gravity.

So like Elphaba in Wicked I think it’s time to make my own rules, defy the limits people set and just leap. So if you hear a big bang and a loud clatter it’s just me coming back to earth with the full force of gravity, levity letting me down.

food glorious food

Tags

aphrodisiacs, diet, food, health, kellogg, miscellaneous, random, sex, soy, thoughts

Onions, I love them but this morning they seem to have taken over my breath. I know it’s my own fault as I ordered a plate of chips with cheese and onions late last night, not knowing that all the chef would do is chop up a massive onion and sprinkle the raw delights all over my chips. Lucky for him I enjoy eating onions, unlucky for me I now smell like a bag of crisps.

But it did make me think about food and why we like what we like. I have a thing for tomatoes, liquorice, pickles, cheese and berries,  I love my meat and enjoy flavoursome food. I don’t get the low-salt, low-fat, low-taste food and sometimes wonder if by eating such blandness makes the eaters bland too.

Fat is the main carrier of taste in food, so it is not surprising that what we really enjoy eating contains it, along with cholesterol. Peoples obsession with cholesterol seems somewhat out of place when you know that it is the main ingredient responsible for making hormones in our bodies. This means if you go out of your way to not eat cholesterol your happy hormones (serotonin) and even sex hormones (testosterone and estrogen) don’t get produced. This makes it no coincidence that high levels of cholesterol can be found in most traditional aphrodisiacs, and interestingly enough it doesn’t grow on trees but can only be found in animal foods. Maybe that is why vegetarians tend to have lower libidos than meat eaters, and don’t get me started on vegans.

Did you know that the famous Mr Kellogg’s invented his cereals for the sole purpose to reduce peoples sex drive (remember that weird film back in the 90s The Road to Wellville). He even told people to stop eating meat as he believed that carnal desire and carnivorism were too closely linked. And tofu, considered to be such a healthy wholesome food is used by Zen monks to represses their libido and keep them celibate. Even Japanese wife’s have learned that by increasing their unfaithful husbands soy intake they stray less.

I am not saying don’t eat vegetables or fruit and whole-bread is better than white but maybe reconsider the idea that fat aka cholesterol is purely bad. After all the word diet does have die in it, meaning it may just kill off all those happy and naughty feelings.

With all that said I am also well aware that onion-breath is not very sexy and possibly the reason why I remained unkissed last night and it’s not looking better this morning.

 

 

apparently I’m it

Tags

blog, blogging, fun, humor, miscellaneous, questions, random, Tag, thoughts, writing

In this chase of blogs I got caught and am now It … so stilishbabe asked me a question, I have to answer and then ask 11 other people a question, too.  Now I know we all want to know how to solve world hunger and spread peace but what we really want to know is what your sock drawer is hiding and what do you do when you’re alone, or am I the only one who is nosey?

stilishbabe asked me this: How do you manage to be so good at all these ?Designer,lecturer ,writer?? HOOOW?

I actually am quite surprised by the question as I am not really especially good  at any of the three. Yes, I think I do a good job, no better or worse than others, but am I a stand out talent, not really. But I will take the compliment and just say … when you do something you like, have fun with and challenges you I think you strive to get better at it. And as the saying goes, practice makes perfect and I have been at it for a while so am on a road toward getting good, perfect is something I don’t want to be as flaws make things special just like a stamp, the ones that are rare due to misprint or imperfections are the ones everyone wants.

Now to my questions:

morezennow: when selling drugs from your basement, do you ever switch them just to see what happens?

kate: how many cups of coffee does your cat drink a day and does it have to be starbucks … also do you share and is it a latte?

Lil and Jil: who steals whose clothes the most and does it go as far as underwear … and is there something you don’t know about each other, common cough it up!

realityinprogress: as a wandering soul what kind of shoes do you wear and what do you always carry with you?

notlostjustweird: as a Shakespearean what character out of which play would you be and why ….and how many alter-egos do you have?

Anna: what hat is it you wear, is it a thinking one and what is the story behind it?

Jots: what is your favourite artist or piece of art and why?

astimegoesbuy: as a fashionista bloganista what is your take on the LBD … and favourite vintage find?

spookysister: as a girl who is woeing and being woed what impact has it had on your nails and working live? Are you getting any work done or just daydreaming and have you chewed those nails off yet?

blameitondisney: which Disney character do you want to be like and which one are you most like (can be other cartoons too)

goodoldgirl: as a puzzler how do feel about labyrinths, how long does it take you to do a crossword  and have you ever gotten lost in a maze?

dreaming reality

Tags

cinderella, dreams, Goethe, miscellaneous, psychology, random, reality, stories, thoughts, Updike

Confusion was the the main feeling I had when my eyes popped open this morning, I was having a dream (and no not THAT kind of dream) that was so real, so vivid that I felt lost when I awoke. The feeling was so strong that I it took me a few moments to sort my thoughts and not feel the loss of what I had just experienced.

I am not a good sleeper, I find it hard to shut down and let the world drift on without me, but I am an excellent dreamer. Ever since I was a little girl if I found it hard to fall asleep I would start telling myself stories in my head, me mostly in the lead, and eventually I would drift off into a world I created and continue on the adventures I made up. And every now and then I will have a dream that belies what it really is, a phantasy that only exist within myself. I remember waking up one morning with the taste of strawberries in my mouth because I had dreamt I was at a pick-nick, or having a sore foot because I had been walking for so long in my fictional world and once I nearly felt sick with rage because of what someone had done in my dream. The funny thing is that because these dreams feel so real they have left traces of experiences that feels like memories even though they never really happened.

I know that physiologist and scientist struggle to understand why we dream, although many have come up with some answers over the years. Freud created the idea that we dream what we sexually desire, we just dress it up in different clothes. But studies show that there is so much more to what happens in our minds at night. Some say that dreaming is just a way to keep our minds occupied while we reboot, rest and process but the levels of dopamine released in our brains while we dream suggest something else.

Dopamine is important for reward-driven learning, it makes us feel good and can be highly addictive. And interestingly enough the hallucinations of schizophrenia and dreaming have the same chemical background, both release dopamine in the same area of the brain making it hard for minds to see reality.

Philosophers, writers and creative minds see dreams as a source of unlimited possibility. German author Johann Wolfgang von Goethe said “Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” and American writer John Updike wrote “Dreams come true. Without that possibility, nature would not incite us to have them“. No matter where you look everyone seems to have their own opinion on dreams and why we have them.

So as the day begins with my body and mind still tingling with a feeling and a memory of a unreal reality and ABBA sings of having a dream I think I will follow Cinderella in her idea that  A dream is a wish your heart makes.

Why we dream