cracked and shattered

Tags

broken pieces, cracks, hairline crack, hot tea, meredith brooks, mug, mug of tea, music, psychology, shatterd, transient nature

A few weeks ago I noticed that my favorite mug has a crack … a big, long one down the side. I got quite upset when I saw it, but the crack hasn’t opened up, it doesn’t leak and the mug is still whole.

But seeing the crack in my red and white polka-dotted mug every morning makes me think of all those cracks we carry within us. We have all lived through situations  when we’ve thought we would shatter, break apart. But somehow our inner glue holds us together and over times seems to mend the cracks. But like in pottery these inner cracks may be sealed, but they are still there, making us vulnerable.

Our first heartbreak makes us more cautious. Our fist rejection letter makes us more aware of our abilities. The first time someone we love dies, makes us understand our transient nature. But all these little cracks make us who we are, make us unique, just like my big red and white mug with a hairline crack running down its side.

And while I was pondering these thoughts, a song I loved back in my twenties came on the radio, it was Meredith Brooks singing ‘Shattered’. How apt.

So while I have a lovely but busy day today and the next five days will be filled with “things-I-need-to-do-before-Berlin“, I feel shattered, not just cracked. Hopefully that means I’ll make it to bed early and wake up fresh in the morning to savour some hot tea from my favourite mug. Sadly I know it is probably only a matter of time before the crack becomes a tear and then it will shatter. But when that happens maybe I can make something out of the broken pieces and it would be  great excuse to by a new favorite mug.

my cracked mug

 

 

falling through the cracks

Tags

cracks, cubist painting, downward fall, falling, falling through the cracks, gingerbread woman, mental-health, miscellaneous, people, psychology, random, thoughts

I haven’t been feeling quite myself for a while now, I feel as if I am falling through the cracks. I know what triggered this feeling of unease and anxiety I am just not quite sure how to stop it.

As the  cracks widen and become more and more like canyons I am running out of glue and sting to hold it all together. It’s not just that my surroundings are crumbling making way for a downward fall, it’s myself that is cracking, crumbling into pieces like  a gingerbread woman.

But then maybe stopping it isn’t the issue, maybe it’s about letting those cracks break open and let yourself fall apart, hoping you can reassemble yourself as best you can. Of course you don’t want to end up looking like a cubist painting by Picasso, your nose on your cheek and your ears and eyes anywhere but where they should be but maybe by letting yourself break you can change who you are and leave out the bad parts when you put the jigsaw of your life back together.

So maybe falling  apart or in between the cracks can be a start for something new, to find out something about yourself you didn’t know or discover a new way of looking at the world and your place in it. Possibly it can test your strength and make you confront your fears and desires, find out if what you thought was right really is.

Sadly at the moment all I can hope for is not to take to much of a wrong step and end up falling through the cracks to a place I can’t come back from, or breaking into so many pieces that I can’t put myself back together again.

I think for now I will go out and buy some superglue and string and hope the knot holds till I’m ready to fall.