lists and weekends

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busy, friends, life, lists, post-its, to do, working

Shopping lists, to-do-lists, lists of who to call, packing lists, post-its sticking to pages, in books, on doors in my calendar, sometimes even on my phone – lists and post-its are how I organise my world, and time.

With Saturday just one sleep away and my work hours slowly counting down I am somewhat dismayed to see how my weekend list seems to be growing a little out of control. I seem to have to do more things than I think I have time for.

So now as I look at my calendar and the list I have scrawled in wonky writing and feel dismayed. With a friend who I haven’t seen since before Christmas popping in later for a long overdue catch-up, my home needing a good clean, my wood guy delivering wood tomorrow, a friend needing a lift on Sunday and a surprise cinema ticket win inviting me to a surprise film on Sunday afternoon my time is more than limited as it is.

But with my list growing and my desk overflowing I think I will just have to bite the bullet and succumb to the fact that this weekend will be busier than I’d like. But maybe, before I can start checking things of my list, I should consider tiding up my work-space and decide what can be pushed another week. And I already know the first thing not getting done is cleaning – as long as I can find my desk and my lists, that’s all I need.

Now all I need to do is to write a list of where to start and what I need to get it done!

shadow and light

Tags

feelings, life, memories, opposites, photo, photography, thoughts

Trying to find the perfect words and some good ideas proved to be more than a little tricky this morning. As I sat at my desk my mind kept wandering and my eyes drifted towards the window.

There was not much to see, except for the ever changing shadow of the birdhouse. As the sun traveled across the cloud speckled sky the play of light and shadow, on my whitewashed wall, tugged at my mind.

I couldn’t help but wonder about how without light there is no shadow, two opposites that exist in harmony. A bit like emotions that we have polarised: happy and sad, brave and fearful, relaxed and stressed. Without one we don’t really understand the other – true courage comes from battling your fears, relaxation fully appreciated in the knowledge of what stress feels like and pure joy felt in the realization that unhappiness is inevitable.

Now, that clouds have stolen the shadows away, my view has become less interesting, making me wonder what life would be like in a bland concoction of even-temperedness. No highs, or lows, to make us laugh and cry – memories created from emotion filled moments no longer an option in life.

So, while ideas still elude me today, I think I will go out and see what shadows I can find and what feelings my memories of today will be made up of.

new year, new cheer

Tags

2013, life, Mahatma Gandi, mental-health, miscellaneous, New Year, quotes, Sopie Schoo;, Tennyson

After bitterly neglecting my blog for so long I have decide to end the year the way I want to start the next: write more!

December has been a stressful, busy month, not only was it filled with parcel packing, card writing, baking and tree decorating but teaching took it’s toll and piles of correcting, extra work hours and difficult chats filled my time, hands and my mind.

But with the new year just one wakeful night away I am putting it all behind me and coming up with a plan for 2013.

My biggest challenge will be “the follow through”:I am really good with coming up with ideas but I am very bad at actually making them happen. It’s not all procrastination sometimes its a lack of priorities, not knowing where or how to start and sometimes it is really bad time planning on my part. So for 2013 I will attempt to be more organised, structured and realistic about my time and simply follow through with my big thoughts.

The second challenge is “more steam”: My next big issue is my lack of steam, I more often than not start something, get all excited about it work really hard and then I get distracted, lose interest, run out of time or life just gets in the way. So to counteract this I need to be more consistent, try and be more like a long distant runner and not like a sprinter. And oddly enough it also means “get off my butt”. Have you ever heard the expression: “If you want something done, ask a busy person. The more things you do, the more you can do” The wonderful Lucille Ball may have been known for her flaming red hair and wonderful comedic timing but this quote shows how smart she was too (after all she was the first woman to be head of a TV production company). So my attempt to get more steam will be paired with doing more stuff and snapping my lazy bone in two.

My third and final challenge is to “think Positive”: Now I do not believe in Karma nor do I think by being a good person, good will automatically happen to you (just look at Sophie Scholl, Mahatma Gandi, Dian Fossy). However maybe by thinking more positively about possible outcomes of endeavours I would be more motivated and less likely to give up when it all seems to go wrong. I am not a negative person, but my logic and realistic view on things may at times stand in my way and keep me from seeing the positive possibilities especially when they are only small. So my challenge to myself is to try, even when I think I’ll fail, and let the hope in my heart win.

So goodbye 2013 and welcome 2013, I am excited to see what you’ll bring and I hope you won’t disappoint me.  So with the words of the wonderful Tennyson

Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering ‘it will be happier’…

airing out our minds

Tags

life, miscellaneous, quotes, random, thoughts, writing

Minds are like parachutes. They only function when they are open

James Dewar

I read this quote yesterday and it struck a cord with me. Having an open mind seems to be such an easy thing to do, but when it comes down to it, how much of an open mind do we really have.

As a little girl I never had a problem in believing, Santa Claus, the Tooth-fairy, the Easter Bunny, leprechauns, fairies and wishing on a star were all real and a part of my life. I loved to read fairy-tales, myths and legends, immerse myself in these magical multilayered worlds filled with colours and never ending possibilities, they all seemed so real and enticing. I loved letting myself believe in the impossible and knew that anything could be true. I waited for Peter Pan and his fairy-dust to appear and let me fly.

Sadly as I grew up I learned about gravity and other forces that hold our world in place and sometimes our minds. I formed opinions, beliefs and ideas about myself, people and the world in general, slowly shutting down the doors and windows of my mind, restricting myself in what I believed could, would and should be possible.

But when I read quotes like the one above my inner child jumps up and down wanting to grab a hanky and jump off a roof just to see if she can fly. She wants to wander down to the bottom of the garden and have a tea-party with the fairies that live in the flowers there, she can’t help but believe each rabbit she sees hopping across the field has Easter-eggs hidden away, or that Santa really knows how naughty she’s been and when a rainbow appears in the sky she looks out for the tell-tale signs of those cheeky wee leprechauns.

So while yes, we need our opinions and experiences to help lead the way and navigate through the tricky waters of life, maybe keeping an open mind is what puts wind in our sails and lets us enjoy the unexpected and unknown. Instead of locking up our minds to the new and unexplored we should air out our thoughts and dare to see beyond what we know and maybe, just maybe fairy-dust will make us fly.

restless feelings

Tags

creativity, discontent, feeling, health, life, mental-health, psychology, random, restlessness, thoughts

Today I am feeling restless, I am finding it hard to focus, concentrate and although I have plenty to do I just can’t seem to make myself sit down and just do it. This state of impatience and fidgetyness (if that is even a word) is quiet annoying yet it seems as if I just have to except it and wait till it passes.

As I pondered this unpleasant state I am in I remembered an article I read about a month ago in Psychology Today. It was called Devine Discontent and looked at the positive side of feeling bored. Boredom seems to be something we all experience, some more than others and some even seem to be predisposed to the inability to focus, always following the lure of the new.

I can’t really remember being bored very often as a child, but I do remember my grandmother, a true Hanseatic lady with Prussian blood, always saying “only stupid people are bored”. And although I understand what she meant I tend to disagree.  While some people may become bored due to lack of imagination or stimulation I think many feel restless with something because it has become too mundane. This feeling of discontent with what is happening  around you or feeling unsatisfied with where you are in life can be a great motivator for change. After all why change something when you are happy with it, so maybe we need discontent to actually focus on something we don’t know yet, imagine a different future if you will.

Of course we need the stability of the known to be able to sustain a day-to-day life but isn’t it the unexpected, the search for something different that makes life interesting and more exciting?

So maybe instead of just waiting for my discontent and restless feelings to past I should harness them and try and figure out what would help. Refocus my vision, reorganise my thoughts and who knows maybe I will find a certain kind of contentment in my own discontent.

admittedly admin

Tags

admin, files, forms, life, little boxes, miscellaneous, random, thoughts, work

I hate paperwork, I hate having to fill in forms, tick little boxes, circle words, write numbers and sign my name over and over again. But somehow over the last year administration has taken over my desk, time and life.

The avalanche of paper started sliding a few weeks ago and this morning I finally gave in and started to dig myself out with my pen, calculator, notepad and personal information. Sadly I have only managed to make a small indent into my ever growing pile of files, forms and other folios, but at least it is a start.

As I tend to be more creative than administrative I find it difficult to see the importance of triple copies, initialing things and sometimes even office hours. But those powerful people in suits who hold the magic stamp of approval seem to differ on those matters and often let me know this by sending letters reminding me of what I did wrong, what form I need to fill in and what paperwork is still missing. Sadly as they have the authorization to change red lights green all I can do is snap my pencil in half and try and try again.

There are admittedly many a file cabinet or office in need of admin and organization but I is more complex than just the selection of a few boxes that are ticked and sections that need to be filled in, sadly the time spent laboring over questionnaires and data sheets often eats into all those wonderful hours of being me.

So as I make my little crosses, double check the information  and sign my name yet again I can only hope that one day everyone who needs to, will know everything about me and I won’t need to ever fill in another form in my life. Or maybe I should just put my growing understanding of numbers and figures into use, play the lottery and when I win hire a personal assistant who will do it all for me. But till that day comes I will just have to be my own secretary and hope that my pen doesn’t run out of ink.

changing rainy days and cups of tea

Tags

behaviour, change, habits, life, psychology, rain, random, Sheryle Crowe, sun, sun-dance, tea, weather

This May has been awful here in Dublin. Normally May is a good month, lots of sun and days spent on the beach, in the park, cycling or just being happy outside. This year I have rarely ventured out for too long as hail, rain, cold and wind have always sent me back home.

The upside of this bad weather is the excuses to do things indoors, spend afternoons watching films, or listening to music while reading books, drinking copious amounts of tea and dreaming. Sadly this has also made me a tiny bit too lazy and it is starting to annoy me more than just a little bit.

So with that in mind I have decided to change things, it may not be in my power to do anything about the weather (although I will try my very best) but I can do something about my motivation.

Now I know we all make many resolutions, mainly on December 31st to be broken on the 1st of January, but I do believe in change if we try hard enough, although I am really not sure how to go about it. An article I read a good while back recommended to stop doing things on autopilot, to actually think about what we are doing. After all we all do things without thinking about them and sometimes end up surprised at what has happened. Or am I the only one who gets on buses without checking their number and still ends up at home or drive a route I have a million times before and although I can’t remember taking a right hand turn still end up where I wanted to go or if someone asks me how I bake, cook or make a certain thing I can’t explain it but if you give me the ingredients I will do it without thinking?

It’s when these autopilot behaviour patterns start invading our lives too much that we don’t think about what we are doing and start creating too many bad habits. Like sitting down to watch a film and not realise that you just ate a whole bar of chocolate, or take the lift instead of the stairs even if it’s only two storeys up or snacking while we cook and all of a sudden the cheese is in your tummy not in the pot, or watching TV instead of reading, staying home instead of meeting friends. Basically sticking to the old instead of trying out something new and differnt.

As I know I won’t stop drinking buckets and buckets of tea, I can try to substitute the teaine laden kind with herbal, and as I will still have to sit at my desk a lot I can turn off facebook and yes even wordpress to keep me focused. I can leave the TV cold and call up friends and arrange a lot more chat time and I should take up salsa-dancing again and go to the gym more. I can’t change that I am a night-owl and not an early bird, but I can go to bed at 12am and not 2am which will make getting up early easier. And while all of this may not always be easy and  I know it will take up to four weeks to break my bad habits, I also know that with with willpower and a good attitude it should be doable.

So now all I need is to but my paint on, stick a feather in my hair and perform a sun-dance … wonder if “Let the Sunshine in” from Hair or “Soak up the Sun” by Sheryl Crowe will help.

passionatly pleased

Tags

awards, blogs, friends, fun, life, miscellaneous, passionate, random, thoughts, writing

The funny and very passionate Lil and Jil have decided to pass on Mr Nowan Zen new Living Passionately Award to little old me and all I can say is that I am passionately pleased about this.

Now I am not sure I live passionately every day but I am passionate about many things, sometimes this is good, sometimes bad and other times only I know about it. But I do believe whether something makes your blood boil, your heart jump, your skin tingle or your head explode feeling passionately about things is good and makes you feel alive.

Well as always there are a few rules to go with the award (so Mr Nowan Zen’s edict)

1. Take a deep breath
2. Think about who you’d like to pass this on to
3. Do something weird and out of the ordinary today
4. Post the award someplace conspicuous…..the underside of the hamper lid, inside of the lav door, at the bottom of the bird cage.

I took several deep breaths today, especially as I nearly choked o my sandwich when I read I was being nominated … so number one done.

I put on my Jimmy Choos while still in my PJs just because I wanted to feel pretty, and my feet really did … so I think that covers number three.

I posted the award underneath my desk, just in case a midget or leprechaun happens to come by … number four done too.

Now to my passionate co-bloggers who live colourful lives I love to follow

1) The Girl with the Hat

2) theforgottenwife

3) realityinprogress

4) gina

5) Ailialana

6) astimegoesbuy

Lady in waiting

Tags

gratification, life, love, time, wait, waiting, worth waiting for

Someone said something to me yesterday that stuck with me all day, made me happy. And the echo of those five little feel-good words still lingers with me today.

This someone (who may or may not be reading this blog) told me I WAS WORTH WAITING FOR, well I got a lovely text with those generous words. You see I had arranged to meet this someone and was terribly late in arriving. I felt (still feel) really bad about it, I don’t like to keep people waiting as I hate waiting myself. I always feel as if I am taking their time for granted, which is uncaring, unkind, unmannerly and often unnecessary. So to be forgiven and considered ‘worth it’ was a lovely, unexpected and rare surprise.

We wait for so many things in life, for me it’s often the bus or for the kettle to boil, but as R. Emerson put it so eloquently “How much of human life is lost in waiting.” Thinking back, I can’t remember a time I haven’t waited for one thing or another: holidays, birthdays, Christmases, letters, tickets, answers, love, on or for someone, to be let in, on, off or out of something, sometimes even just for life to really start. Yet it is also quite clear that if the something or someone turns out out to be what we wanted or hoped for, the wait is quickly forgotten and considered time well spent in anticipation.

Research has shown that standing in line waiting for something can actually cause your blood-pressure to rise and stress-levels to increase. A few small tricks can help us in our waiting process, if we know for how long we are going to wait, or if we fill the time with something (that is why a menu is thrust into our hands as soon as we sit down in a restaurant … to keep us busy while we wait) and allowing ourselves plenty of time, make us feel more in control and time passes “seemingly” quicker. All good and well but wouldn’t it be better to not have to wait at all? It seems that waiting has its purposes, too, as we think of time as something valuable. So by waiting, delaying our gratification, we often think something has more worth. Okay, maybe not the smelly, crowded bus that arrives to ferry us home but the degree we worked for three year to get certainly qualifies.

Maybe the trick in waiting is to only wait on things we really want and otherwise try to follow this quote I once read “I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.” … not sure how that works but for me reading, chatting and daydreaming seems to help time tick a little faster.

The Psychology of Waiting Lines

The secret of self-control : The New Yorker