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This week I seem to have lost track of time and the days of the week have all blurred in to one. So somehow I just can’t help but wonder about time, structure and schedules.

Why is it that I often think I can get things done much quicker than I can? Why is it that I nearly always forget to calculate traveling time, making me permanently 10-15 minutes late, and always rushing? Why is it that I often struggle to just sit down and start- delaying myself with my procrastination? And why is it that when I think it’s time to go to bed I still find myself up and about an hour later?

Of course any psychologist could argue that maybe I enjoy the attention I get by arriving late, or maybe I am constantly seeking forgiveness, which I get when I  apologize for my tardiness. Or maybe I am a narcissist who just never considers other people and their needs.

However since every ‘pattern’ is based on what you get out of it, it really doesn’t explain why I (and others like me) inconvenience myself – the reward seems to be negated by the stress it causes. So what is it that makes me struggle with time?

As someone who chose a profession that deals with deadlines all the time it seems odd that this is an area of shortcomings. Even odder that I actually don’t struggle with deadlines – I tend to get my work done on time.

So, as I contemplated this contradictory conundrum I realised that maybe my issue with time has more to do with how I view it. I don’t wear a watch, and view time more through morning, noon and night, no exact hours more a sense of moments. And when I am working I get caught up with what I am doing – looking at word count or page layout or how many corrections I have left  – and this makes it easy to just plow on and get it done on time!

While this helps me in my job it also means that in my private time I forget about time too, I don’t check the clock and delay myself without meaning to. Of course this could also have something to do with a lack of self-discipline, enjoying myself in the moment to much to stop or feeling compelled to finish what I’m doing.

Or maybe I simply just don’t want to be early – I mean if being late is wasting someone else’s time, isn’t being early wasting mine?  Another thought that needs some timely wondering, but I don’t have time for that today!

My 1960s wall-clock I bought for £5 and fixed up. At least something pretty dictates my time!

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