I bumped into someone I barely know the other day and I was all set to do my smile- nod-&-walk-by move when I was stopped in my tracks by said nearly stranger for a quick hallo-chat. After the standard “How are you?” and “Grand” exchange and a tale about a shared acquaintance I was pulled into a quick embrace and a “We should meet for coffee sometime!” was the last thing I heard.
As I stood slightly bewildered and watched the interloper disappear into the crowds of Dublin I couldn’t help but wonder about the nonvitation I had just received. After all I knew we would never meet for coffee and even though I didn’t want to, I did wonder why we so often feel the need to part ways by extending an empty invitation.
I mean we have all done it, promised to call someone without having their number, agree to “catch-up” with no real interest or intent to ever do so. Maybe these nonvitations and empty promises are just a way of ending a conversation when you have nothing real to say. But as they are not a true reflection of the actions we are going to take maybe we should stop saying them just to fill a void. With that in mind I will be more careful with my invitations and make sure there is nothing non about them.
a shared cup of coffee
jensinewall 
I would invite you to get together with me for a cup of coffee anytime but seeing how we live on different continents, my invitation might seem a bit like an uninvitation even though it is not. 🙂
You raise a good question, why do we throw out those false comments as a conversation comes to a close? Does it make us seem more friendly or more interested in the other person than we truly are? Perhaps I will catch myself as a conversation is wrapping up and simply end with a “take care!”
that is so good …a simple good-bye, take care are lovely ways to part .. and as I said to Jots, here in the blogesphere the invitations are all in our hearts so nothing non about them .. and yes I’d meet you for coffee or wine too
I would agree with “Shoes”…above. You and I talk of meeting at the corner cafe for a cuppa and a chat. I know, without a doubt, we would do just that…if we lived around the block…and not around the world from each other.
You and I will have our coffee, cakes and chat…one day. For sure!! That’s fullness.
Non-invitations…non-intentions should be taken for what they are…empty.
we will … next year hopefully get that REAL meetup .. at the moment it is all in our minds but with a true heart
YES!!!! to everything you said.
XXOOOXRaye
🙂 hugs
The trouble with non-invitations is that the other person might take you seriously! So don’t offer if you don’t intend. When I see someone I don’t want to see or extend said offer to, I may actually scurry around a corner or duck my head to avoid the contact. I’d rather do that than be insincere in a face to face. I guess I wouldn’t do well in high society with all of the “we shoulds” and “let’s get togethers” that are never meant to happen at all. If I say it, I mean it and I expect the other person to as well.
I agree. I do my best to only say it if I mean it. I’m terrible, though, at ending a date without a false suggested future get-together.
I so know what you mean
I am generally the same and sometimes it is a matter of meaning it in the moment and then life gets in the way … but yes I agree don’t say what you don’t mean
I cherish those moments of running across someone I have not seen for years – if nothing else, those situations help me appreciate my memory. As a matter of fact, I ran across a person at the store that I knew in junior high. It was quite a kick. She is head of transportation in my son’s school district. At the time we said we should meet for coffee some time. Unfortunately we have not as of yet – but we will, I can feel it in my bones.
well that is lovely and not an nonvitation, I met a friend from way back when one new years eve. It was lovely seeing her but since we live in different countries now no follow up catch up
As an introvert, I don’t suffer this problem. No false invitations from me. 🙂
lol … but at least we then know you mean them when you hand them out
Very true.
I don’t extend false invitations because my luck the person I really didn’t want to catch-up with would call and suggest getting together and I would have to then make excuses. It’s just better to not say it if you don’t mean it. 🙂
Cheers,
Laura
I am with you … but people do seem to do it a lot
I know and you feel a little dirty when you get one….kind of like “gee, thanks for the interaction now be totally fake to my face to prove it meant nothing”.
You’re right ..I think most of us are guilty of trying to think of the right thing to say when for example we run into someone we knew a long time ago but now have nothing really in common…but feel the need to suggest we get together sometime….Diane
very true 🙂
you hit the nail on the head!
🙂
I am ever reminded of this:
“Skylar: “Maybe we could go out for coffee sometime?”
Will: “Great, or maybe we could go somewhere and just eat a bunch of caramels.”
Skylar: “What?”
Will: “When you think about it, it’s just as arbitrary as drinking coffee.” ”
From Good Will Hunting.
So much of conversation is filler even before nonvitations…I wrote this about it too: The Eyes and Neighs
oohhh sooo goooood … need to check it out and yes I’d chew toffees with you too