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disappointment, failure, friends, mental-health, people, psychology, pulitzer prize winning novel, ramblings, thoughts, work, writing
Last week has been filled with disappointment for me. Things I thought were good to go fell through, people I thought about in a certain way changed in my eyes and even an important legal letter I sent was returned to me this morning, telling me to resend to different a address which will make the whole process even longer. As I shift through the dregs of everything that happened I can’t help but feel let down, rejected and stupid.
Of course I know that disappointment is a natural occurrence and actually very important for learning how to deal with difficult situations. If children don’t learn how to deal with failure it is much more likely they’ll be prone to give up and not try hard when adults. So is failure really such a bad thing?
In a world in which success seems to be the only thing worth talking about it is hard to see the point in being disappointed, in failing at something. But studies have shown that there is no correlation between success and happiness. People who strive all their lives to reach certain goals or work hard to earn a lot of money and climb the corporate ladder, often say in their twilight years that they regret no living in the moment as they were always looking towards their goals and the future.
Sometimes the reason why we are disappointed is that we have unattainable ideas of how something should be or our goals are beyond what we can achieve. This doesn’t mean dream small it only means that with big dreams we need to know it will take time and effort. So instead of being disappointed in not becoming an international movie-star over night, we can take joy in having the lead role in the community theater. Or our best-selling Pulitzer prize winning novel may take a while but our article in the local newspaper can be celebrated today.
Other times we are disappointed because although we seem to be working hard to solve a problem, to loss weight or make something happen we forget that in is not always about the amount of work we put in but about the quality of what we do. So without realising it we have been setting ourselves up for failure and won’t be able to achieve our goals. When disappointment kicks in, it can help to take a step back and readjust what we are doing, change our pattern and try again. This way failing isn’t something bad but a lesson learnt and the first step in the right direction.
Sadly disappointment can also occur for no other reason than life is not fair and bad things happen. This means that just because we want something doesn’t mean we are going to get it. But it does mean that as soon as we realise that we will fail at things or people will let us down, we can move on and put the disappointment on a shelf along with our other life-experience memorabilia.
So the point in disappointment is to learn, live now, change and build up an impressive collection of experiences. There is no shame in feeling upset or being annoyed when you are disappointed, but the sooner you let it go the quicker you can enjoy yourself and what you have now.
With that said I am going to take a few minutes, drink my cup of tea and grumble but then start the week with a new hopefully can-do attitude.
So timely, J. Thank you for your insight.
ah you’re welcome I was really talking to myself trying to pick up my own pieces :-). Glad I could help
Sometimes reading others’ words resonant because…just because they do. Perhaps it is where we are at a certain point at a certain time that we take “meaning” and make it our own? You did. I did.
All good.
🙂
I feel like I need to print this post out and put a copy in my office and beside the bathroom mirror – even when I remind myself of all the wonderful ‘haves’ I’ve got in my life, disappointment with one thing or another creeps in until everything else feels tainted…your ‘point’ is a good one, especially paired with the cup of tea and I think I’ll give them both a try when disappointment next makes an appearance…Jill
good idea … have to admit also had a bikkie, after all can the world really be that terrible if it has bikkies and chocolate and sweets and oohhhh wine???
The world in my opinion is BETTER for having bikkies and wine – and as long as the entire bag/box/bottle doesn’t disappear then no harm…though some occasions call for the entire bag/box/bottle to be gone. Hmmm, I’m sure there’s a formula of some sort for deciding this…Jill
well how about if in need bag/bottle/box is okay when in want not so much? Exception to the rule if the want is so big it turns into a need it’s okay too
I was pondering this on the drive home from work this am. So, timely indeed. The macabre thought of “If I died in a car crash right now, would I die happy?” popped into my mind as I thought of the minor fails i encountered throughout my worknight and I actually said to myself, yes. I didn’t kill anyone, I have great music (Coldplay) on my stereo, I’ve got my top down, the kids are alright and I’ve had a fulfilling life. Not eveything is crossed off my bucket list but I can honestly say that I’ve done alright, by anyone’s standards, including my own. Great post!
ah thanks …and yes you sound pretty sorted, how great is that
Wonderful. Really really wonderful. Thank you.
This morning, in my meditation, I realized why I’m not reaching my goals. Though they may be something I think I want right now… they are really not in line with what I want right now. I think there is a certain gift in being here right now…. being present. To me, I find it means I can relax into the flow of what is going on right now. If I get lost in dreaming about the future, I kind of neglect the magnificent paradise that is my life.
Sorry you had a disappointing time, but it sounds like you see all the positives.
Thank you for sharing.
Good plan! 🙂